An idiot's Eurovision guide – why everyone 'hates' UK, Australia's inclusion and Israel boos

 It's that time of year where our great nation willingly gets degraded in front of much of the Western world. That's right, the Eurovision Song Contest - Europe's most camp and bizarre singing competition where we inevitably end up with a string of nul points.

On Saturday (17 May), 26 countries - whittled down from 37 - will battle it out in music form as they prance around the stage in tight fitting sequin trousers or belt out ballads that you wish you paid more attention in GCSE French for.

This year the contest will be hosted in Basel, Switzerland, after singer Nemo topped the leaderboard with a huge 591 points for song "The Code" last year. Our Olly Alexander ended up with 46 points, finishing an impressive (for us) 18th - but will our infamously awful Eurovision streak differ this year with band Remember Monday?

Well, you'll have to tune in and not just to see us triumph or embarrass ourselves (yet again). But, on the whole, Eurovision is never short of drama and controversy, meaning it can make for four hours of juicy viewing - and this year will be no exception.

Here, we've made a beginners guide to all things Eurovision - everything from how to watch, a dive into our nul point curse, why the same countries always vote for each other, Australia's 'random' inclusion and what to look out for this year...

How did the Eurovision first start?

Eurovision seems like it has always forced itself onto the TV schedule since time began, with many Brits still wondering why on earth we take part if we are historically rubbish.

But, the song contest was a very important event to be part of when it was first formed in 1956. That's because Eurovision was born out of a broken Europe after WW2, in a bid to bring the continent together through music.

The first Eurovision was broadcast on May 24, 1956 and proved to be a "technical experiment" in television broadcasting, with the idea being conjured by Marcel Bezençon, who was the director general of the Swiss Broadcasting Corporation.

In its first year, seven countries competed: the Netherlands, Switzerland, Belgium, Germany, France, Luxembourg and Italy. Despite both Austria and Denmark wanting to take part in the pilot contest, they missed the deadline to be included in the "live, simultaneous, transnational broadcast."

Where were we? Apparently "busy", according to the official Eurovision site. Maybe we should have used that excuse for the last 69 years....

Why does everyone 'hate' the UK?

That brings us onto why we have such a bad track record with the Eurovision Song Contest. Despite us churning out some of the biggest and most iconic musicians the world has seen, we fail to deliver the same quality or reaction for the annual competition.

Is it because we are really awful? Or is there another agenda on the cards to humiliate our little, but mighty, island? Well, perhaps a bit of both.

We've landed at the bottom of the leaderboard five times and all in this millennia, achieving the sobering score in 2003, 2008, 2010, 2019, and 2021. UK's Mae Muller managed to just scrape second to last in 2023, when Liverpool got the chance to host.

The exception to the recent rule might be the impressive pipes of Sam Ryder, who belted 'Space Man' all the way to second place, narrowly being beaten by Ukraine - who co-hosted on our turf due to the ongoing war with Russia.

One of the reasons that could put us in bad stead, other than the fact we generally don't take the competition seriously like most of the countries do, is that we are part of the 'Big Five'.